Love Hina: BS to the Max Pevertism
by the dark icon writers
Summary: Love Hina, with all of the perverted goodness you could ever want or need. Keitaro and EVERYONE! BS to the Max is the title and it's not meant to be taken lightly! Rated M for a reason, so join the Love Hina crew as they get on with they perverted selves!
1. HONEY HONEY HONEY HONNEEY! HONEY!

Love Hina: BS to the MAX

By: The Dark Icon Writers

Summary: Keitaro Urashima; manager of the girl's dorm Hinata Sou… how does he deal with the temptations of living with so many women… and does he? These are the stories of their…adventures. R Rated; do NOT touch this unless u can read things like this.

No parings; just random… yea

Disclaimer: You've seen and read Love Hina; did that summary sound anything like the normal Love Hina story line? Didn't think so… Ken Akamatsu owns it.

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Chapter One: Singing Honey, Honey, Honey, Honey! HONEY!!!

It had been a long day at the great place known as Hinata House. Keitaro Urashima lay down sleeping due to the amount of work that he had been doing that day. He had been punched and sliced over 20 times and due to his inability to ever get hurt he was just tired and wanted to sleep. But, due to this author's knack for screwing with his life, he was about to be awakened in a very fun way…

Su and Sarah opened the door to the manager's room, an evil look on both of their faces as they stepped in and then closed the door behind them grinning like little devils. "You got it right?" Su asked the younger girl who nodded and then held up a bottle of white liquid. "Oh yea, adding this food coloring was a great idea!" she said with a smile as they both took a bottle and then began to pour the liquid all around the room, not missing Keitaro a single bit. "Okay, you go get her." Su nodded at this command and then ran into one of the girl's rooms bringing back someone random and then they pored the now white honey all over her as well and then placed her under Keitaro's covers and then they ran outside of the room…

Motoko Ayoama was the first person to wake up the next morning, while she stretched she noticed that she was touching something hard… something a little to hard… this caused her to try and sit up but then she realized that she was kind of… stuck to the ground. This sent off warning signs inside of her head and caused her to wake the sleeping man next to her. "Huh, what's going on?" he said looking at the woman sitting in his futon, her hand on his………….. use your imagination. "I don't know." Keitaro Urashima and Motoko Ayoyama looked at each other as they discovered the "sticky surprise" around his room. "We didn't did we Motoko?" he asked shaking "I think so Urashima....and by the looks of it..." she looked around the room "We made quite the mess." "Yea" "Well, since we did it already........" she smiled evilly "TAKE ME NOW!" she jumped on top of him taking off both of their shirts "OOOOHHH!! BREAKFAST IN BED!" he yelled taking one of her breast in his mouth "HUH BREAKFAST!?" yelled Su as she ran downstairs into Keitaro's room only to find the Ronin and Samurai in a deep umm…. **cough throat cough** session. "OOOooo! Yummy! Keitaro has a white banana in between his legs! Can I try some Motoko!!?" Su yelled as she ran over to the two currently busy Hinata Sou residents. "NO! BACK OFF SU! MY BREAKFAST MINE I TELL YOU!" Motoko yelled; coming up from cough with cough dripping down the side of her mouth as she yelled at the middle schooler "Awww… but I want some banana!" she yelled looking at the banana between the ronin's legs while Keitaro took a look up at Motoko "Come on Motoko, don't be a meanie to my big weenie (1)!" Keitaro said causing Su to jump up and down on top of his head….. "YEAH! (5) he screamed "NO! MINE!" Motoko yelled as she pulled out her blade and pointed it at the young girl! "Here, now _this _is a sword that you can sheath! Let ME handle this one!" she said going back to taking care of Keitaro as Su ran out of the room to play with her new sword and to try and sheath it…

A knock came on the door as another voice came out from the other side "Hey Keitaro do you wanna study?" "OH Yeeeeess!" came Keitaro from the other side of the door though us as readers and writers are quite positive that he wasn't answering the question that had came from the other door "Huh okay!" came the voice as she opened the door; only do discover Keitaro and Motoko adding _another _batch of sticky supply to the floor "KEITARO WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU PERVERT!" came the voice of the red haired master of the Evil Naru Empire (2); Narusagawa, Naru as she ran over to the two busy people "HOW DARE YOU!?" she yelled as she looked down upon Keitaro "I'm sorry Naru!" Keitaro said as he watched her look at him with her evil eyes as he shuttered "HOW ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE THIS MUCH FUN…" she screamed as she tossed up her skirt and then sat down on Keitaro "AND NOT INVITE ME YOU BASTARD!" she yelled as she grabbed Keitaro's hands and then put them to 'work…'

-Later that day at dinner-

"Hey has anyone seen Naru, Motoko, or Keitaro-Sempai?" Shinobu asked as she looked around the table and found only Kitsune, Mitsumi, Sarah, and the currently 'sticking the sword up her sheath' Su. "Huh? Oh yea, last time I checked; they were all upstairs playing in the honey that me and Sarah put on the floor in Keitaro's room and adding some more from Keitaro's giant white banana, and Motoko wouldn't let me play!" she said removing the sword from it's new 'sheath' and causing Kitsune to spit out her sake "WHAT!? (6)" she screamed as she imagined the scene that was currently happening upstairs with the three people. "AND WHY DIDN'T I KNOW ABOUT THIS!?" she yelled as she speed ran towards the room of our favorite ronin "Oooooooo!" she yelled as she made a side decision to watch from her room instead so she ran in there and then watched from umm there of course…

"YES! YES! YES!" Kitsune screamed as she watched the scene with one of her hands 'out of sight' and then another voice picked up "HEY COOL KITSUNE! YOU HAVE A SHEATH TO! CAN I PLAY WITH IT!" Su yelled as she stuck the handle of the blade inside of Kitsune and caused her to do the choir. "Whoa!" Kitsune moaned as Su pulled the blade in and out of the girl and watched the development. "Hey, you're getting some honey down here too! YUMM!" Su yelled as she dived into Kitsune's 'niceness' and caused Kitsune's eyes to roll into her sockets while the weird and original tasting 'honey' licker upper Su did what her title stated.

-Hours later-

The phone of Keitaro Urashima started to ring but there was no one to answer so the answering machine came on: "Hello, you've reached Kei. I'm kinda busy at the moment; ya'll know me I'm P.I.M.P.I.N (3) OKAY!!!! (7) so holla back!" came the message and then there came another voice from the other side of the phone…

"Hello Keitaro Urashima, my name is William Clintaa and I am a member of W.O.M.A.N (4); I was wondering if you had seen either Motoko or Naru. We had an appointment today, Hillag isn't going to be home today and my house could use another coat of white. Well tell them I called… I guess I have Monaja to handle me."…

End Chapter One:

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Ending Statement: Wow, okay… this chapter was mainly made by me by myself and I just scared the HECK out of me! Oh boy… when the other members of the Dark Icon or the people of the administration team here read this then we're done. Just so you know this story will be posted on as well so if we get kicked out just drop us an email:

(1): This comment comes from Eminem's song: Big Weenie off of the Encore cd; it's one of Dimitri's favorite cd's so it was used in here.

(2): The ENE: or the Evil Naru Empire is a group started by Naru fanboys; for more information contact Andrew Joshua Talon. The ENE is a group dedicated to Naru and an empire full of evil intents.

(4): W.O.M.A.N: Warrior's of Motoko and Naru; Actually I was bored so I came up with the name shrug

(8): P.I.M.P.I.N: Probably in motoko's p or in naru's

(5): Yeah!: This is a rap term used a HECK of a lot by rapper Lil John

(6): WHAT!?: same as above

(7): OKAY!!: Same as above


	2. Sauce part 1

Love Hina: BS to the Max

Chapter 2: Sauce; Part 1

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The day awakens like normal at Hinata Hou as Keitaro Urashima walks down the hall way; unknown to the future events as one person… Kaolla Su,

Jumped on his head and the events proceeded…

....................su did you just sit on my shoulders and hump the back of my head???

"Yes Keitaro I did, I missed your mouth though... if I had aimed right then I could have ate your food for dinner because you'd be full"

"no no su, the only time you can do that is when the red moon is out. Well either way, i would die at the hands of naru and/or motoko.

"Aww, but they don't have to kill you; they can join. I'm sure that eating all of us will fill u up"

"Im sorry but that would not work either. I dont like fish flavored, your's is too spicy, and

motoko would never reveal the pink monkey."

"Humm... those acctually sounds like some good dishes... HEY MOTOKO, NARU! LET ME HAVE SOME FISH AND MONKEY!

"Hold on! grabs su before she runs off Only flavor you can have is turtle!" slams Tama on the table shell first

OOOOOoooohhhhh turtle!!!!!!! Hey Tama....." MYUh "Aww, it's too small"

"I can't do anything about that. HEY HARUKA! PUT DOWN THE CIGARETTE AND GET IN HERE!!!" god i hope she doesnt kill me for saying that

"What is it Keitaro? Finnally ready to go on the love boat??" Donning a hat that looked like giligans island material "Umm... no.... Su says Tama is to small"

"Too small for what?" su glares at haruka "FOOOOOOOOOOOD!

"Oh you want some of this??? I think i'm a little to much for even you."

"hold on for a second." su goes to corner of the room and starts moaning alittle "Haruka...what do you think she's doing back there?" haruka stared at su "i dont know Keitaro...but it has to be something with her shoulder moving from side to side that fast" su gets up "OK! BOTTLE OF SU'S SPECIAL SAUCE IS READY!"

"girl if you even THINK about using that with me then we are gonna be fighting" "MUD FIGHT!? I WANNA C!" Keitaro yelled as he thinks of his aunt and su. "sorry Keitaro. Pimps only" "aww...." "Well then..." su smiled as she walked over to haruka

"here, hold this Keitaro and leave the room" su pushed Keitaro through the door "And what am i suppose to do with this!?" su pushed him out the room with the bottle "Hello sempai, what do you have there?" shinobu took the bottle out of Keitaro's hands "Oooh it smells spicy, i can put this in tonights curry

Su pops out "WAIT NO! THATS MY SPECIAL SAUCE!! I MADE IT MYSELF!" "THATs even better!" cooks it -later "Yumm whats this new spice!?" "Su made it!" "Whats it from?" "Betweeen my legs" Su smiled

sean pops in (1) "NEW SPICE FROM WHERE?!?! LET ME TRY, LET ME TRY!!" motoko points her sword at him "What was that you pervert?" "would you really like to try some of my sauce, you might have small bumps around you mouth for the next couple of days" shinobu stands up "HEY! THE ONLY SAUCE HE IS ALLOWED TO HAVE IS MINE! MINE IS RISK FREE!!!"

"Aww… you're no fun Shinobu!" Sean yelled as he was removed from the story due to the fact that we never actually asked him if we could put him in it. "Wait… what kind of sauce is this Su?" Shinobu asked, taking another bite out of the curry that she had prepaired. "I told you from in between my legs! Keitaro and Haruka helped me make it!" Su had happily as everyone smiled and then started gobbling down the curry like mad women. "Hey where are K and H?" Naru asked; licking some of Su's 'sauce' off of the side of her mouth. "Oh they said something about going to make a supply of sauce for Haruka." Su said "Nice! I want me some of that sauce!" "Yes, I too would like a taste of Haruka's sauce, it will fuel me for Kendo." Came the voices of Naru and Motoko

-End chapter 2

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Closing Remarks: Yeah; short we know. Just wanted to add a sence of suspense before the next chapter; lol. Love it? Hate it? Leave a review or email us:

(1): Sean is the character from one of the favirote Dark Icon stories; Different guy, same story by Rpger; in this story he dates Shinobu. Check it out


	3. Sauce part 2

Love Hina: BS to the Max

By: The Dark Icon Writers

A/N: Whoa, we're actually getting reviews for this? LOL! As you can tell this was an unexpected turn of events. By the way as you can probably tell we are not just a single writer; we are more or less a group of five people; 3 of which write fan-fiction of course. If you want to join the ranks of the Dark Icon then please check out our profile to get our email. Thank you all for your reviews by the way and oh yea; Sayian, umm… 'till the sweat drops down my balls' is from the Ying Yang twins; they sound alike so it's not that big of a mistake. Well we're out; check out our other stories! And for the beginning of this chapter; you may want to check out the Star War's Gansta Rap, it'll make it have more sense.

Disclaimer: Dimitri Plabato, Charon Dark, and Kenji… do any of those sound like Ken Akamatsu? Didn't think so. And look at how crazy and perverted this story actually is… Love Hina wouldn't have sold 2 million in one year; it would be around 10 cause people are perverted. Heh; gotta love the way people think.

Chapter three: Sauce Part 2

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"Naru! I can't find Keitaro or Haruka anywhere!" Kitsune yelled as she looked at her best friend who was sitting behind the desk inside of the now dark Hinata Den. "This does not bode well…" Came Naru's voice as she looked at Kitsune who immediately bowed down on one leg. "What is thy bidding thy master?" she said "It's a disaster, Urashima's we're after. "And what if we can summon them to the dark side?" "Yes; they'd be powerful allies." "They will join us or fry." Kitsune said with a grin while Naru and her then stood up and said "Cause we got lubricant! We got lubricant! We got lubricant! We got

lubricant!!!!!…"

With the SSA (1) –

"I wonder where they could be?" Shinobu asked as they walked around the beginning area of Hinata Tea House looking for the two missing Urashima's. "Hum, I wonder if they are making some more special sauce for me!" Su screamed walking around still stuffing the sword up her own 'special sheath', making it kind of hard to get anywhere fast. "Who knows." Shinobu said with a shrug "Motoko is searching for them in the air so they can get that far away. We will find them. Oh yea; you gotta make me some of your sauce too! It went great with that curry we had and it makes a pretty good lubricant as well; I took a hand full of it and then cough Boy oh Boy!" Shinobu said with a big grin. "Cool; we can trade sauces whenever these nutcases as authors decide that we need an S and S chapter!"

- With the Warrior of the KOM (2) -

"Urashima… Haruka… I will find you! I WANT THAT SAUCE!" Motoko yelled as she jumped tree to tree looking for the two Urashima's so that she could get her hands… or more precise; mouth on the sauce of the two Urashima's. She jumped down from the top tree and then started to dash around the ground looking for the source of her next meal; slicing anything that got in her way. "I NEED SAUCE!! NOW!" she yelled as she ran towards the city looking for someone… anyone to feed her what she wanted.

"The Power is yours!" said a man as he began to turn into a blue beam of light until our favorite samurai warrior tackled him. "You, who ever you are… feed me!" she screamed at the blue man as he cowered underneath her. "Who are you?" he asked; not being able to sweatdrop due to the fact that he was nothing but an American cartoon and sweatdropping only occurs in Japanese things; oh how we all wish we were in Japan… "Doesn't matter; DO YOUR JOB!" she screamed at the man trying to tear off the blue and red suit that he had on (who can figure out who this is before we actually revile it?) "Umm, clean the world?" he asked with an uneasy grin "Sure whatever you want to call it! Make some juice out of me and then clean it up!!" she screamed as she then pulled out her blade and then cut off the man's blue and red with a globe in the middle of it straight off of him leaving him stark naked. "Umm… planeteers; I think that you guys are a little to young for this soo…" Captain Planet's eyes grew as he watched the planeteers make the sauce that the girl on top of him was craving so badly… "YES!" she screamed as she teleported out of her clothes and then proceeded to make some crime fighting juice of justice… Damn the juice… "NO! NOW he's making some kind of special juice to battle us with" said Plunder as he and the rest of those dumb evil guys from the original TBS show "Looks like we'll have to make our own…" said the female lady who's name I can't think of at the moment as she came out of her clothes "Okay this is going to be the most toxic juice ever!" they all laughed together while our authors looked at each other and shook their heads wondering what the heck Dimitri was on when he wrote this chapter.

With our two missing Urashimas –

"I was wondering how long it was going to take you to get me here…" Haruka said looking over the ocean's horizon. "Yeah; I know. But you know how being P.I.M.P.I.N. can be; it was a little hectic there." Kei said as he leaned over the rail with his hands over his aunt's waist. "But you know what's going to happen next; I'd cook dinner but I need some sauce." Said one of the coolest and best looking Hinata females with an evil grin towards her nephew as she turned around and buried her face in his neck. "Well then… I guess we need to get started on that sauce…" he said as he tripped her up and then caught her with his arm and then carried her off to their room…

-That Pimp Tight Samurai-

Motoko hopped around the ground looking for the Urashima's as she sang "Captain Planet, He's a hero! Gonna give me juice till he down to zero! Gonna lick it! Lick it good! And he's using Trojan Mans that's good!!" she broke out into dance as she continued to look for them. "DO THE MOONWALK!" she said as she did the moonwalk grabbing at her crotch as she said "WHOO OOH!" and then turned around and then broke into another dash. "I'm M.A.D (3)! Mad I tell you!"

S and S-

"Hey, according to this tracker, it says that Keitaro and Haruka are on a boat." Said Su as she and Shinobu walked down the side of the dock. "Great! We found them! Now we can get our hands on the juice!" Shinobu said as the final fantasy level up music played in the background. "But the thing is… they are not just on any boat… they're on the…" Su started

K and H-

"Ahh the Love Boat! I've been waiting for this for the past 2 years!" Haruka said while her nephew 'fulfilled his taste on her mommybags' "Yeah me too!" he said taking the first one out of his mouth. "Okay let's go ahead and get that sauce made…" he said as he pulled down her pants only to meet a pair of steel panties with a lock. "NO!" he said looking up at Haruka who had a sad look on her face "You know I can't go past second base…" she said with sorrow "DAMNIT! I THOUGHT THE COLD WAR WAS OVER! DAMN YOU SETA! GET BACK HERE WITH THAT KEY!!!" Keitaro yelled as the chapter ended…

-End Chapter 3

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A/N: Another short chapter but hey, I'm supposed to be doing work… and Aww man, I would say that this chapter isn't that bad but I wrote it all on my own because I was bored… Dimitri!!! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!!?!?!? Is what everyone else is going to say when they actually start to read this fic… I wrote this and the first chapter all by myself as a cure for boredom; Kenji did majority of the second one… Man, I need to be working on my other stories… WHAT KIND OF MONSTER HAVE WE CREATED!!!!!???? And for all of the members of the Dark Icon; this is about to get crazier than Randomness once you all start writing…And this is really bad cause this is just random crap coming off the top of my head; I'm sitting here doing a project and switching in-between this…

(1): SSA- The Shinobu – Su alliances; an alliance created by Su and Shinobu fans; once again… ask fanboy Andrew Joshua Talon for more information because he knows a lot more about this than I do; we only found out about them by reading some of his fics.

(2): Knights of Motoko- Yeah; same as above just for Motoko

(3): M.A.D- Mad About D---- that part of the male anatomy that makes us different; and if you don't know what that is then 1) you shouldn't be reading this fic and 2) talk to your mom or dad or look at the discovery channel


	4. Aww Skeet Skeet!

Love Hina: BS to the Max; Pervertism

By: The Dark Icon Writers

Chapter Four: Aww SKEET SKEET!

Prereader Note: Hey everyone, this is Dimitri once again dropping by not to give a chapter but just to post it. This is the first chapter from our other member Soulstealer777 aka Charon. I want to say that neither Dimitri nor Nathalist had anything to do with this chapter AT ALL! It's all him so don't take it out on us! I would like to take the time to thank all of you who reviewed this so far so thanks! As for making this 'hotter' umm... we'll try, but this is just all random bullshit coming off the top of our heads and stuff so that might not happen. Anyways, i'm out. Enjoy the chapter and if you want an acctual story then check out the Heaven's Not Enough fic also within this account. Catch ya next chapter and remember... GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE... (you'll get it later on in the chapter)

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System Soulstealer, boot up!

"Ahhh!!! Keitaro! How could you say that about my ass!? We're never having sex again!!!!!" Naru shouted angrily as she ran from Keitaro's room and down the hall's of hinata. Keitaro came running out almost immediately after. "C'mon Naru! A big butt is a good thing! Don't you watch BET?" Keitaro shouted after her. As soon as he caught up with Naru, which was somewhere downstairs, she quickly turned around and punched him into the atmosphere.

System Soulstealer, Jack in!

In the kitchen Shinobu was just about to prepare dinner before Su and Sara busted in. "Shinobu! Watcha doin'!" Su asked right before she kicked her in the face sending the poor girl spiraling to the ground. "Whoa crap! Is she okay?" Sara asked standing over the unconscious Shinobu. "Oh no! I kicked Shinobu! I must've done it to Keitaro so many times that it's become a reflex." Su said nervously. Sara bent down to Shinobu and felt her pulse. " gasp... She's dead." Sara said grimly. "... Then there is only one thing to do.." Su said malevolently. "Dump the body?" Sara asked. "Yes... but first. I must kill ALL witnesses." Su said as she grabbed a kitchen knife. "Kill witnesses? But no one's here except...... shit" Sara thought as the blade came down on her. Su proceeded to wipe up all of the blood and put both bodies in a trash bag then went outside with them. 5 minutes later, Keitaro finally fell from the sky into the kitchen. Keitaro stood up from the rubble and debris without a scratch because he's immortal and stuff. "Darn... Naru must be really upset. I never actually hit a plane before. I guess it's really time to give up. I think I'll go to room and cry..." Keitaro said to himself grimly before he exited the kitchen. Suddenly he ran back in. "Can't cry like a girl without ice cream." He said to himself. Keitaro opened the freezer to pull out a treat but before that, something else caught his attention. It was a frozen turkey.

Let's get it on!

OOOOO YEAH!!!

let's get it oooonnn!!!

Keitaro slowly pulled the turkey from the freezer and sat it on top of the counter. It was like he was in love again. He slowly began to run his hand down the frozen dish. It was so cool, so inviting, he had to have it, RIGHT THEN. Keitaro slowly moved his face closer to the turkey than began to whisper to it. "Shhh... Don't worry, mama... I'll be gentle."

System Soulstealer, Destroy!

Elsewhere, Motoko had been late on her rent payment, which didn't happen often. So in her time of desperation, she called on the help of her archenemy (of sorts), Kanako Urashima. Kanako gladly agreed to help Motoko. 1 hour later they were speeding down the streets of downtown Tokyo in a white cutless Cadillac with mink seats and carpet. Kanako was wearing a pimp outfit and was driving quite recklessly. Motoko was in the back covered by the shadows, perhaps to cover what she was doing. "Kanako! Take me back home! I'm not doing this!!!!!" Motoko shouted. "C'mon! You're no fun. Besides, if you don't do it then you have a home to go home to... home.. to go.. home... Shutup!" Kanako implied harshly. Suddenly she pulled over on a curb underneath a street light and in the process completely revealed Motoko's street whore clothing. "Dammit! I can't do it! I'm outta here!" The samurai shouted she began to exit the car. An instant later Motoko was bound in ropes from some sort of special Kanako rope technique. "Sorry, baby. Can't let my hoes get outta the game before they make my money." Kanako explained. "What are you talking about!?" Motoko asked. Suddenly an escalade with tinted windows rolled by and parked next to Kanako and Motoko. The windows rolled down to reveal Dimitri, Natahalist, Phantom and Jaye of the dark icon. "Hey what can I get for 400 yen?" Nathalist asked. "Anything you want!" Kanako explained cheerfully. "Anything you want?" Motoko said helplessly. "Anything he wants." Kanako repeated herself. Suddenly Kanako grabbed Motoko then threw into the open window on the escalade before it sped off. "Don't forget to get the money!" She shouted after them.

System Soulstealer, Rise above all others!

Back at the hinata inn Naru had actually felt bad about punching the special limited addition hell out Keitaro. In fact she had been wandering around looking for him cause usually he'd found his way back by now. For some reason the kitchen door was locked. Now she mopped around the living depressdily. Perhaps she should have given Keitaro more of a chance to explain himself, after all, he was totally an idiot, plus the video hoe look was becoming popular in anime. Kitsune happened to be drunk on the couch at the time... even though she is all the time anyway. She noticed Naru's non-bitchy attitude. "Say Naru, is somethin' bothering you?" She asked. Naru was about to tell her, but then she decided that Kitsune would definitely try to meddle. "I'm just not felling well, that's all." Naru explained. "Huh? Well I think I've got somethin' in my room that'll help you out." Kitsune explained. "Oh yeah! Jackpot! Kitsune has ALL the good pills." Naru thought happily. Kitsune drunkerdly lifted herself up from the couch and began upstairs. "C'mon!" She told Naru. Naru hastily followed her upstairs. They finally got to Kitsune's room. She slid open the door and proceeded inside. Naru followed her. Suddenly Kitsune slammed the door behind them then pressed a switch on the wall. Suddenly a large steel "stand" of sorts lowered to the ground. "! Kitsune! What in Budda's name is that!!!?" Naru asked nervously. Suddenly Kitsune pushed Naru onto the post and fastened her down. "THIS my friend.. is a rack!" She implied. "Hey! stop joking around. I'm not in to this kind of stuff!" Naru shouted. Kitsune pulled a ball gag from seemingly nowhere then tied it around her friend's face. "It's not about you're into, Naru.." Kitsune explained. Suddenly she pulled out a mechanical eggbeater and turned it on. "It's about what IN YOU" She implied sadistically.

System Soulstealer, What are you doing to that goat!?

Su arrived at a an American dumpster that was outside the entire time without anyone noticing. The girl hummed merrily as she threw the trash bag filled with her best friends in the trash. "... Wow. I'm glad that's over. Now all that's left is that turtle and the guys who sending those fucking AOL free trials." Su thought. She went back inside the apartments to continue her evil plotting, little did she know that greater forces were at work. In a burst of light a giant pink grove opened up in the ground in front of the dumpster. A white substance shot from the pink opening filling the dumpster. Suddenly Shinobu and Sara climbed out, seemingly unharmed. "What happened? I thought I died." Shinobu said to herself. "That's right! Su killed us." Sara implied. Suddenly the pink hole in the ground spoke. "I am the clitoris! I have brought you girls back to life in order to exact your bloody revenge against the warrior of darkness, Koalla Su." The large pink anatomy spoke. "The hell?" Shinobu and Sara thought at the same time. "Now, these weapons will help you defeat her." The Clitoris explained. An instant later two sword sized pink dildos appeared in Su and Sara's hands. "Now my warriors! Go and defeat the one who has wronged you!" The Clitoris ordered. Both girls were still confused as hell, however, they BOTH really pissed about their deaths. "Let's go." Shinobu implied with a determined burn in her eyes that Sara had never seen before. "Okay!" She responded. Suddenly both girls dashed into the apartments checking each room, which included Kitsune's room where they saw some pretty nasty S&M torture, and the kitchen where they found Keitaro naked on the counter covered in turkey remains and salad dressing, until they finally found Su on the roof, where Su was waiting for them. "So you two are alive again. It must've been the Clitoris... My arch enemy." Su implied. "Su... We didn't come here to fight you." Shinobu explained. "Huh?" Su said. "Yeah, we just wanted to say that you killing us... was sooo sexy." Sara implied. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Su asked. Suddenly Sara and Su both drew daggers and jumped above Shinobu "Blood orgy!"

System Soulstealer, use the Zero Divide!

Suddenly Shinobu woke up one her pallet in her room. She sat up and held her forehead. "What a weird dream..." She thought. Suddenly she fell back on her pillow then rolled over to see Chewbacca and Captain crunch. "Ahhhhhhh!!!!!" Shinobu woke up screaming again. The girl finally calmed herself down. "Another weird dream about a weird dream… At least it's all over." She thought. Suddenly Charon from the dark icon appeared in front of her. "Yeah! All over you, bitch! SKEET SKEET SKEET!!!!!!" He yelled as he released sperm all over Shinobu's face and hair. "AHHHHHH!!!" Shinobu woke up screaming and crying once again. Suddenly two large arms look her in and began to cradle her. "Shinobu, it's okay it was just a dream." A tall stranger said softly. Shinobu calmed down and smiled. "I know, but I feel safe… now that I'm with you Mr. Lincoln." Shinobu said to the former president. "No problem. Now why don't you go under the covers and see the Washington monument." He suggested. Suddenly Shinobu woke up screaming again.

* * *

End chapter four... WHAT THE HELL CHARON!??!!??!?!?!!?!?!?!??!? Screw it, i'm going to write another chapter in my fic for now... I can't get the thought of turkey out of my mind... EEEWW!!!

-Owner of the Dark Icon; Dimitri.


	5. Guys night out

Love Hina: BS to the Max

By: The Dark Icon Writers

A/N: Yo Dimtiri here. This is a chapter from Kenji and Charon. Yea… I'm out. Cya

* * *

Chapter Five: Guys Night Out

It was a peaceful day at hinita sou. Birds was chirping, people walking their dogs, and Keitaro was knocked out cold in a good sleep. Naru popped her head through the trap door in the ceiling, "Keitaro its time to study, get up!" Keitaro just laid there. "I said get up and OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT?" Naru threw the blanket off of Keitaro and found a turkey in between his legs, the turkey had on a long brown wig. "I haven't had my stiffy licked in ages Naru," Keitaro said while half asleep and grabbing the turkey and stroking it.

"KEITARO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING," Keitaro shot up in his futon. "AHH! NARU WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE! CAN'T YOU SEE THE GIRL IS NUDE," Keitaro yelled pointing at the turkey. "IT'S A DAMN TURKEY YOU SEXUALLY FRUSTED PERVERT! WHY DON'T YOU JUST MARRY THE DAMN THING?" Keitaro's right eyebrow shot up, "that's a good idea." Keitaro pulled out a couple of turkey baseters, "baby, I wanna take our relation to a whole new level. A couple of nipple implants and some lips and we can be the next hot couple" "YOU BASTARD," Naru shouted then punched Keitaro through the roof. "HOW YOU LIKE YOUR DAMN TURKEY NOW," Naru shouted taking a big bite out of it, non aware to the jizz dribbling down her chin.

"Su get off my back," Motoko yelled at Su while heading towards the kitchen. "I want a piggy back ride," Su whined, "the new doggy style. DIRTY MOTOKO NAUGHTY MOTOKO," Su said pushing her hips back and forth on her back. "THE TWO DYKES IN THE HALLWAY," Sara called from the living room, "SHINOBU'S SICK SO SHE CAN'T COOK! NOT STOP FEELING ON EACH OTHER AND GO GET SOMETHING TO EAT!" Naru came storming in the living room from the kitchen with Keitaro's sex turkey in hand, "EAT THIS YOU LITTLE DAMN DEMON SUCUBUSS," she screamed stuffing the turkey into Sara's mouth. "What's her problem," Motoko asked to herself. "Shinobu sick," Su asked, "ROAD TRIP! ROAD TRIP!" Su pulled a remote out of nowhere and push a couple of buttons. A giant turtle tore through Hinita Sou halls and stopped in front of the girls. "All aboard," Suu yelled wearing a train conductor's uniform, "turtle express heading for yummy food! Next stop!" Motoko took one look at the turtle and started slashing at it, "THERE'S NO WAY I'M GETTING ON THAT THING! LAST TIME YOU GOT ME ONTO IT I COULDN'T SIT DOWN FOR A WEEK!" Su pushed a couple more buttons, the turtle's head flew towards Motoko, grabbed the end of her hair in its jaws and flew off

cluckin bell-

"What do you want Sara," Su asked as the turtle pulled up in the drive through window. "Let me get a number nine," Sara responded. "What about you Motoko," Su asked looking at Motoko. "WOULD YOU MAKE THIS TURTLE STOP GROPING ME! MY MOMMYBERRIES ARE NOT REPTILE FRIENDLY," after that she passed out. Su shrugged, cleared her throat, then started giving her order in a very deep voice. "I'll have two number nine's, a number nine large, a number six with extra dip, a number seven, two 45's, one with extra cheese, and a large soda."

"Are you still worried about Naru not loving you Keitaro," Kitsune said drunk as a skunk

peeking at Keitaro. "I'm using the barrell! Can you wait for five minutes," Keitaro yelled. "Aww come on Keitaro," Kitsune whined, "this is just between us girls." Keitaro then opened the shower curtain and pointed at his rod, "you see this? I'm not a girl! I have one of these!" Kitsune giggled to herself, "correction, you had one of these," she said grabbing his rod, pulling it right off. Keitaro fell back first into the shower while Kitsune stared in shock, "yours is fake Keitaro," she asked wide eyed, "Oh My God wait until the girls hear about this!" She then ran off into the hall. "Not good," Keitaro said to himself. He quickly dried himself off, put on some clothes and dove off the balcony. He was just in time to see Naru storming around the hotsprings below. "Oh this is gonna be classic," Naru said to herself then cracked her knuckles. She grabbed the bench in the springs, tore off the legs and used the base as a giant base ball bat. As soon as Keitaro's chin hit the ground, Naru hit him in the stomach, sending him flying into the stratusphere.

"What was that," two guys asked sitting on a bench in the middle of a park. Whoever saw what happened would describe it as a comet landing directly in a trashcan. The two guys ran towards the trash can and peeked into it. "Oh," the two guys said at the same time, "Keitaro! You're flying through the air again." "Hitani and Shirai, what are you two doing here?" Keitaro's friends helped him out of the trash can. "How many times can you crash land in a trash can," Hitani asked. "Yeah," Shirai continued, "you dive head first into a trash can every week. Do you like eating out of it that bad?" Hitani slapped him on the back, "we got ourselves a trash can bitch here!"

"Would you guys just stop already," Keitaro whined. "Aww don't worry, Hitani said, we know how we can turn this day around and have a good time." Keitaro had a fearful but curious look in his eyes, "how?" Hitani and Shirai took a deep breath, "GUYS NIGHT OUT!" The two guys grabbed Keitaro by his shoulders and dragged him into a car.

misty's bar-

"Come on Keitaro," Hitani said, "drinks are on us." Keitaro sat down at the bar while Hitani and Shirai sat on his left and right sides. "What will it be boys," the guy behind the bartender asked. "Shots," Hitani and Shirai said at the same time, "make em hard and keep em coming!"

hour later-

"I'm tellin ya man," Shirai slurred at Keitaro, "just wait until your aunt is asleep or your granny puts out then you…" Keitaro slammed his shot glass against the bar stool, "ENOUGH MAN!"

another hour later-

"See," Keitaro slurred shaking an empty shot glass, "if politicians knew how good butt sex felt they would list it as a restricted drug."

happy hour-

"I think you've had enough," the bartender said looking at the three guys. "You can't do that," Hitani spat drunkenly, "I'm celebrating my first blow job! Come on!" The bartender cleaned out a new glass, "really," he said with interest, "then the next one is on me." Shirai looked at the full shot in front of him, "then again, maybe we should go. I mean if the first twelve didn't knock the taste out of my mouth then neither will the next one." The bartender almost shattered the glass of sake he held, "THAT'S IT! ALL OF YOU OUT!"

random street at midnight-

The three guys left the bar drunk as halle berry's last husband when he left her. They had a dozen beer bottles and was rambling on about drunken things until a very large woman walked by the side of the car. "Hey guys," she said as seductively as she could, "you guys lookin for a good time." Even though Keitaro and his friends were drunk, they all noticed the deep voice and five oclock shadow she had. Hitani got out the car anyway, "come on guys! We can't pass this chance up!" Keitaro looked like we was gonna blow chunks on the spot, "MAN! THAT'S A GUY!" "Aww you're just jelous," Hitani said, "come on Shirai, don't you wanna feel good?" Shirai unbuckled his seatbelt, looked at Keitaro and said, "you know what man? A mouth's a mouth," he then got out of the car. "Oh I know im going to regret this in the morning," Keitaro said to himself then got out the car, "HEY! WAIT FOR ME!

* * *

End Chapter Five- 


	6. I forgot the name

Love Hina: BS to the Max

By: The Dark Icon Writers

Chapter Six: Rage in the streets

A/N: Yo everybody how's it been? Dimitri here just doing a quick hello before we start. This chapter was written by Kenji and myself after watching anime soo yea…

Disclaimer: Unless it was a graduation gift, none of us own Love Hina. Class of 05! May 21, 2005!

P.S: By the way… due to this chapter… we are SO banned…so email us for where it'll be up later lol

* * *

It was a normal day for one Keitaro Urashima as he walked down the streets of Hinata coming back from a shopping trip. He hummed to himself as he walked, his mind completely other places. 

He didn't even realize what happened until he was in the middle of the dark alleyway. "Huh what's going on?" he asked himself as he looked around. He shrugged and then started to head back out the way that he had come but he was stopped by…

"Wait young man, don't you want to have some fun?"

Keitaro turned around to see the hooded old woman with a gypsy ball in front of her as she held it.

He walked back over to where she was sitting and then put his hands on the ball rubbing it. "So how may I help you?" he asked being the kind guy that he was.

"Actually Keitaro, I was wondering how I could help you." The old lady replied

"How do you know me?" he asked his eyes opening widely as the old woman stood up and started walking towards him.

"I know everything about you Keitaro Urashima… especially your fetish…"

She watched Keitaro back up

"For elf ears…"

Keitaro's legs started to twitch widely and rapidly as the old woman began to smile…

"Not the elf ears… not the ears… Oh GOD! THE EARS! They're so pointy and uuuuugghhh!"

Keitaro could only moan as the old woman removed her hood to revel to things…

A pair of elf ears… and….

"Grandma Hina, when did you get an ear job?" he asked looking down at his grandmother with sultry eyes

"When I found out that you liked e'm…" she said as she began to remove her top…

"Uggh… lets go grandma!" Keitaro said as he picked his grandma up and then slammed her on the table and split her legs.

"Do you by any chance have… them?" Keitaro asked with a deep sense of hope in his voice as his grandma lift her robe and then pulled out three things…

"Of course Keitaro-dearie… here they are right here…"

HAMTARO! LITTLE RODENTS BIG ADVENTURE!

Keitaro looked in wonder at the small hamhams that had found their way into his hands with small hearts in their eyes.

"You know what to do."

And with that Keitaro let the Hamhams go on another big adventure… they dug through the defiled caves of the woman and crawled all the way up until…

 Two hours, 3 dead ham hams, and one wet alleyway later

"Ooohh you're so good to me grandson… not even your parents could give it to me like that." Said Grandma Hina as she and Keitaro both enjoyed a cup of sake…

"Well that's cause I'm a hustler, you betta ask about me. AND I'm tippin on four 4's you know how it is." He said sporting his G-unit hoodie. "But yea anyways, I need to get home, you know… I gotta keep my residents happy."

"Yes I know sonny, tell Haruka that I still want some of her special sauce."

And with that Keitaro got up and left the allyway…

As Keitaro started walking down the streets once again he began to notice that things started looking… weird…

Kinda sexy like…

Especially that light pole…

You're pretty when I'm drunk…

Keitaro walked over to the light pole and then began rubbing it softly

"Come on baby, Oooohh your so nice and stiff"

He removed his pants and then looked at the light… he knew he heard it, the sounds of…

Plug it in… Plug it in!

"Mommy what is that man doing to that light pole it looks like fun!" a young mother turned to look over to where Keitaro was and blushed…

"Well honey, he's polishing his sword…"

"I have one of those… Do I need to polish it?" the young boy asked looking up to his mother.

"Why yes honey, you do need to polish it… and I have the cream right inside of me."

The boys eyes lit up wide as he smiled

"Yay! Let's go!" and with that the two rushed home to… "polish a blade"

Keitaro kept ravishing the light pole as the day began to fade away until…

"Sir what are you doing to my wife?"

"Huh?" Keitaro asked looking down to the mailbox

"Why are you screwing in my wife sir?" the mailbox asked

"Uhh well you see, I'm an electrician and she needed some screwing in…" Keitaro said pulling up his pants to hide his "wrench."

"Ahh! You're an electrician? Do you think you can help me out? I can't get my eye to function correctly, everything is black?" replied a nearby female robot…

"You need help with your eyes eh?" Keitaro said pulling his pants back down…

"Yes, if you could be so kind."

"Okay, well prepare yourself this wont hurt much… Ahhh…. Yes…" Keitaro moaned as he proceeded to "fix" her eye.

"OH GAWD!" he screamed…

"It's working! My screen just turned a little white!" the robot screamed

"Oh don't worry, by the end, you'll be completely done with the darkness…and you'll be seeing the creamy white"

End Chapter 6—

* * *

A/N: Another short one; aww well… we'll be back for more. I got a paper due on Monday and I got a senior thing tomorrow… so Cya.

And the elf ears thing comes from illwillpress (dot com)


	7. Food Warning

Love Hina: Bs To the Max; Pervertism

By: The Dark Icon Writers

Chapter Seven: Food Warning

A/N: Wow, we're becoming a sort of famous group in the love hina fanfiction world, sweet. Finally the respect and love we deserve! cries Thank you all for reading our stuff! I just wanted to say all that before I started with this chapter.

And to answer a previous statement… yes, we are foamy cult card holders… cough

Disclaimer: I'm the owner of the Dark Icon Writers, Dimitri Elaston Plabato, officially one of the most loved groups in the fanfiction world… so Mr. Akamatsu can I have love hina now? …………………… No. Aww.

Dimitri Plabato of the Dark Icon Writers

Hey we have a title now! We're the funny, sick, twisted, jizz shooting perverts! Beat THAT! Thanks Baka-Tenshi!

And by the way, this chapter WILL make you sick. It made ME sick and I wrote it. I warned you. Don't take it out on us. Nothing you've read before goes along with this. I took the liberty of making calls to all doctors across the world. They are waiting for you after this chapter. And you all know the drill, if we get banned just email us for the updated location.

* * *

"Keitaro, Keitaro… it's time to wake up." Naru said nudging the young sleeping man beside her. 

"No… but I don't want a wiener! I don't want a wiener! WAHHH" Keitaro moaned in his sleep.

And then…

"Keitaro Urashima! It is time for you to wake up and divulge me into paradises unknown!" screamed Motoko as she stood over Keitaro in a pair of bunny pajamas.

"Ooooo! So Cute!" Naru said as she jumped up and started kissing the bunny Motoko up and down.

Keitaro awoke to a very interesting site to say the least… Motoko and Naru sprawled out all around the room. Some whips, chains, and Naru holding a "fluffy tail" in some ways not meant to be held…

"Uggh… I need to get out for a minute." He said to himself as he walked out of the room and out of the doors at Hinata.

:..: Dimitri's

Keitaro walked into the restaurant known as Dimitri's and sat down at the grill table.

"K-man wassup, how can I help you today?" Dimitri said as he looked down at Keitaro

"Yea, I could use a bagel."

"What you want on it?"

"Humm… I need a bagel with the cream cheese, the creamy creamy cheese please, the one with the butter and the creamy cheese cheese."

"Err… kay." Dimitri said as he went to grab a bagel for Keitaro…

"Is that for here or to go?"

"To go, can you warm it up a little for me?" Keitaro asked

"Sure man." And with that Dimitri went to heat up the bagel

A few minutes passed and Keitaro left with his bagel.

But…

He had a little pit stop in the middle of the forest to make.

He walked behind a tree and made sure that no one was coming and then he smiled to himself and held the still very warm bagel up to his eye level and burst out with a mad laugh…

(Warning! Warning! The Dark Icon Writers are known for messing up food items; please skip this if you really love bagels… Please do. You have been warned.)

He pulled down his pants and then positioned the bagel right in the middle of his crotch… and then he thrust into it… and thrust some more…

When he was finished he grinned to himself and then headed back to Hinata with Bagel bag in hand.

(End food safety warning!)

"Hey Keitaro, what's in the bag?" Kitsune asked as Keitaro walked up the stairs to Hinata

"Oh just a bagel, you want it?"

"Do I?" and with that Kitsune took the bagel and began eating it, all of the creamy white sauce spilling all over her mouth.

"Ooooh Keitaro." Kitsune said as she licked some of the extra sauce spilling from the sides and from her mouth.

"What's the name of this sauce I need it all the time!" she continued licking and licking it all over her mouth savoring the taste.

"Oh it's a new menu item, it's called K-juice. When you want some of it just give me a call and I'll pick you one up. I know the owner."

"It's yummy!" she exclaimed

"Yea I know."

"Well flip me over put butter on my backside and call me a doughnut. I might just have you get me some more of this then."

And with that the both of them entered Hinata house and went their separate ways. Keitaro headed towards the kitchen where he saw Su and Sarah "playing" with a rectangular spatula… and then Su burst out "Oh yea! Work that rectangle you nasty slut!"

"Whoa… that's my cue to NOT go up in there…" Keitaro said as he walked up stairs too his room instead only to find Motoko and Naru inside of it.

Keitaro turned around to see Motoko and Naru sticking things up places where they wouldn't find but then he was stopped by Shinobu closing the door on him "Huh, Shinobu, what cha' doin?" he asked the young chef.

"No nude-y for the little weenie" She said with her hand on her hips

"Aww okay Shinobu, so how about we..."

"Nope sorry K, unfortunately...no booty for the baby weenie either"

((Ouch! That hurt me to WRITE!))

Keitaro left the hallway with his eyes downcast and a sad look on his face. He left Hinata house, hoping to find Hitani and Shirai… he KNEW they had to have some girls somewhere…

He walked up to their one room apartment, the door was unlocked.

"Uhh… hello? You guys?" he asked as he entered the home "Back here Keitaro!" Hitani yelled as Keitaro walked back to the bedroom.

"OH MY FUCKING GAWD!" Keitaro screamed as he ran out of the home yelling "MY EYES, MY FREAKIN EYES!"

(Another Dark Icon food warning)

He tried sooo hard to ignore the vision of Hitani and Shirai rolling around in the feathered bed with the chains and whips covered in the Neapolitan, the butter pecan, and the cookie dough ice cream all over their bodies making them all sticky along with the other stuff… It was all just like an ice cream Shoppe, all covered in all 31 flavors…

(End Dark Icon food warning… and excuse me while I throw up EWWWWW!)

(Okay… I'm back… filled up the toilet three times…)

…Much Later…

"Come on Su, we need to head out for that mission." Motoko said as she waited outside of the scientist's room… so ignoring the screams of "Oh yea Tama! I've wanted to "eat" you for a long time but I didn't think you'd taste this good!"

…A few minutes later…

"Okay Motoko, let's go. We can take the car." She said as she headed out the door.

The two of them headed towards the "Comfort Sedan" to see Keitaro "plugging in" side of the "comfort" part of the Sedan

"Hey K-kun, thanks for filling er' up but we gotta go. You need anything?" Su asked while Keitaro stopped pumping in the car and pulled up his pants up muttering something about ice cream.

"Oh Ice cream? Sure we can pick you up some." Motoko said with a smile

"NOOOO! ICE CREAM? MY EYES! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" and with that he went off screaming.

Motoko and Su shrugged, got in the car and drove off…

.:. Later…

"Su do you have the items?" Motoko asked

"Sure do Motoko!" and with that she began to reach down her pants.

"Err… Su, why'd you hide them down there?"

"Because silly just in case we got mugged."

"Su… who is going to mug a Japanese warrior and Molmolian princess, both holding guns. In a car, that's worth less than your shirt?"

"Err… government?" Su shrugged…

"Forget it… get ready here they come." Motoko said as she looked out her window and watched the two approaching men.

To BE CONTINUED in chapter 8!-

* * *

A/N: Whoa, sorry about that. Really I am. So sorry for making this chapter so sick but randomness had built up in me.

If you want to read some fics to get your mind off of this then read the other stuff in this account, it's much better.

Well cya… and get ice cream off ya mind.


	8. Keitaro's weird dream

Disclaimer: I don't own love hina or any of the characters. And this came to me at the top of my head and I thought it would be fun to write and also wrote this to get rid of writers block

Note from Dimitri Plabato, Owner of the Dark Icon Writers: Hey everyone how's it going? I'm here dropping off this chapter from our newest member Keitaro + Motoko. This chapter is a little out of context but then again this IS bs so does that really matter?

This is his first time doing anything like this so don't be too hard on it okay? And I'll do a follow up chapter as soon as I can to make up for it lol. Well cya next chapter.

* * *

Love hina BS

By: Keitaro + Motoko of the Dark Icon Writers

Chapter Whatever We're on now: Keitaro's nightmare a sex crazed Motoko

* * *

"Mo, mo, mo, mo motoko what are you doing" said Keitaro in the corner of his bedroom staring at Motoko only in her undergarments.

"Why I am here for you my love." As she started to move towards Keitaro

"I mean why are you half dressed and in my room in the middle of the night?" Keitaro said as Motoko grew ever close to him with a devilish look on her face. Then she stopped right in front of his face and stared.

"I am here because you haven't made a move on me so I took action came to you I swear kei-kun you are so dense sometimes" Motoko as she undid her bra and let it drop to the floor. Now Keitaro was really freaked out.

'There is something wrong with motoko' Keitaro said to himself then he snapped into reality when he felt something soft against his face then Keitaro realized what is was Motoko's chest. 'They are so soft' Keitaro quickly shook his head to get rid of the thought. Then Keitaro push her away and ran out his door.

Keitaro ran down the hallway and screaming for help but then he remembered that he and Motoko were here this scared Keitaro even more. He looked behind is shoulder he didn't see Motoko anywhere. Then he ran into something he fell to the floor hitting his head in the processes. He stood up rubbing the back of his head then he saw that he hadn't ran into the wall he had ran into a person and that person what Tsuruko Aoyama.

"Tsuruko you don't know how happy I am to see you! Motoko is running around here sex crazed please help me you're her sister do something" Keitaro said begging her then Tsuruko just smiled for a moment and said.

"Well I guess the drug did take affect after all" Tsuruko said as she grabbed him on the shoulders. "OH MOTOKO I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU" hollered Tsuruko. Keitaro had no where else to run he was trapped no one to save him at all.

A few moments later Keitaro herd footsteps coming and he knew whose too a few second later Motoko appeared and ran to Keitaro and was again stuck in between her chest. Then Motoko pulled him away and then pulled out a rope from out of nowhere and tied keitaro up.

"Now sister what do you think we should do with him" said Motoko. Tsuruko put her hand under chin and thought for a moment and said "I think you are ready for the Aoyama's male torture techniques." Said Tsuruko with the same devilish smile that Motoko's has.

'OH! Kami why does this always happen to me' said Keitaro as he was dragged back in to his room. Motoko picked up Keitaro and tossed him on the bed. Motoko was about to jump on top of Keitaro when her sister pulled her over to the side and started whispering thing into Motoko's her.

After Tsuruko was done she stared at her and then Motoko nodded and Motoko got into the bed and got on top of Keitaro started doing what her sister had told her to first she smashed her lips against his and then ripped his pajama shirt in half and throw it to the floor and started working her way down until she reached. That was it Keitaro's hormones took over and the rest of the night was filled with moans and cries.

Keitaro shot up and in a cold sweat and looked around the room and saw no one in his room and it was probably early morning he sighed in relief that it was only a dream. "OH hell that was the worst nightmare I have ever had I hope I never see motoko like that 'EVER'" Keitaro said then he froze instantly when he heard.

"See me like what Kei-kun" Said Motoko sitting up and stretching her arms out. Keitaro slowly turned his head and saw Motoko sitting right by him and she was naked too. Keitaro feel back on his bed and laid there with a bloody nose. When he finally got himself to stop bleeding through his nose he asked

"We didn't –uuuhhhh…. You know what?"

"Do you mean that we had sex" Motoko said in her normal voice. All Keitaro could do was slowly nodded his head. Motoko sighed. "yes Kei-kun and it was great" she said as she laid her head down on his head

"Ready for round two?" Said Motoko blood shot from Keitaro's nose and then he passed out. Motoko just looked at him and smiled for a moment before resting her head on his chest and falling back to sleep.

* * *

This was the most random and pointless thing I could think of :P

Keitaro+Motoko 4ever

PS this is my first time doing something like this so don't be mad at me!

PPS From D.P: The Dark Icon Writers are still accepting memberships for it's original story branch so please email us if you are interested and you write original work.

-Dimtiri Plabato, owner of the Dark Icon Writers


	9. I Refuse!

Hello everyone, one of the original dark icon writers here (like anyone gives a flying flip -.-) submitting something new to this fiasco of a fan fic .. I don't know why but this fic called and begged for new chapters so…here's the first of hopefully many to come. Through my blood, sweat, tears, typos and sad attempts at comedy, the dark icon presents…love hina BS!

--------------Chapter Start!------------

"Ok people, lets get this done and get out of here, this pace gives me the creeps," a guy with a Kentaro nametag and the word director stamped on his forehead. "All cameras center around Urashima…and…ACTION!"

"Hello," Keitaro greeted warmly to the camera, "my name is Urashima, Keitaro and this…is my scarred story." The camera crew leaned forward and was grinning from ear to ear in anticipation. Never had they had so much material they could use from one person!

"The very first night I was here," Keitaro started, "I was knocked from this building to the other side of town, right onto a crowded park bench, I hit the ground so hard my collar bone popped. You could see it sticking right out of my shoulder." There was a few grunts from people with weak stomachs. Keitaro chuckled and went on, "then there was my first encounter with the Shinmei Ryuu sword art. I was knocked so hard I skid for a mile on my landing, skin was hanging off me in chunks." There were a few gasps and oh my gods from the camera crew, that was a mental image they preferred not to have. "Oooh but the most recent one," Keitaro continued enthusiastically, "was when I landed against the statue in front of Tokyo U. I popped my arm right out of my socket. It took three doctors to hold me down while they slingshot it back into place."

"CUT," another guy yelled, this one with the words 'common sense' on his forehead.

"Wha-what the hell are you doing," Kentaro half asked, half yelled.

"Do you hear what he's saying!? Look at the clock, the friggin banshee witches he's talking about will be here in any minute! We have to ABORT! ABORT NOW!!"

"Urashima! Look at the camera and keep talking, don't stop until I tell you," Kentaro ordered.

"NO! We have to go NOW," common sense pleaded

The room was in total chaos until the door was knocked off its hinges. Motoko stood in the doorframe, sword in hand.

"She's got a sword," Kentaro screamed in a panic. Motoko left the frame and came back with a running chainsaw. Everyone's eyes nearly bulged out their sockets. She left again and came back holding a jaguar with very sharp claws. Everyone screamed as their bodily fluids stained their boxers and tightie whites. She left yet again and came back with the jaguar holding a chainsaw. There was a group squish sound as everyone in the room void their bowels. Motoko left once more and came back with a Singapore cane.

"A stick," Kentaro asked, "that's it?" The camera crew started to laugh hysterically.

"I'll use this stick to turn your $$ and intestines inside out, roast them over an open fire, feed it to a jaguar, raise soul hungry, spirit hunting, ghost humping jaguar cubs! Your souls won't have a bottom to sit on in the afterlife!"

A single tear rolled down Kentaro's cheek, "that's awful….RUN!!"

---------------

"Are you sure he's here," Haitani asked Shirai as they climbed the stairs leading to Hinata Inn.

"Oh he's here alright! And I'm going to humiliate him and make him pay!" Shirai's gaze at the front door was unwavering, even as a pants less film crew half ran, half tumbled down the stairs around him.

Haitani stared at the group of men as they ran, "just a normal day in the Inn I suppose," he moaned, suddenly losing his nerve.

"URASHIMA!," Shirai's voice was booming, "come out here and FACE ME!!"

Motoko appeared at the front door, "excuse me you male! Have you yet to learn your lesson about the Shinmei Ryuu arts?"

"Take your shimmi-shitty sword art and sit down! THIS IS MAN BUSINESS!!"

Motoko rushed towards Shirai, "zantetsusen!"

Shirai drew his own sword, "Jump, slash, block, dash, slash, block. You've been k-styled! Sit down!!" Motoko was sent tumbling down the stairs, rolling through sweat, urine and other unmentionables as she went. Haitani was speechless, he sat back and watched the scene unfold.

"What's happening out here," Keitaro shouted, "Shirai!? What's going on!?"

"Don't play dumb! You covered these mile high stairs with feces and urine to stop me from confronting you with THIS!" Keitaro was dumbfounded, Shirai slammed a cinderblock down by his feet. On the tip, strapped down with rubber bands and iron balls was a photograph of a couple walking into a hotel.

Keitaro stared for nearly a full minute, "I don't get it."

"Maybe not now," Shirai countered, "but after hours of Photoshop, it looks like THIS!" He slammed another cinderblock with a new picture over the first block.

Keitaro looked down and his face deadpanned, "what is this?"

"That is CLEARLY a photo of you going into a hotel with a Ms Piggy plush doll!"

"Keitaro," Haitani spoke finally, "we're worried, showing this kind of thing in public isn't normal."

"Wait wait wait! This cant be happening!" Keitaro pulled a remote from his pocket and slammed the big red panic button, "breaking the 4th wall! Someone get down here!" There was a group moan as papers shuffled and the stage lights dimmed. A stage hand fell from the sky on a zip line to rebuff Keitaro's makeup.

"What the hell Keitaro," Haitani and Shirai asked at the same time with obvious disappointment.

Kentaro walked from behind a tree, wearing a clean pair a pants, the director stamp was gone, "what are you doing Urashima, why are you trying to break the fourth wall?"

"What is this, more sex stuff again," Keitaro started, "all this time off from this story and I have to deal with more perverted situations!?"

"What's wrong with it," Kentaro asked with a shrug, "the stuff that's based on true stories makes for the best scenes."

"True story!? Who in their right mind would do something like that," Keitaro shouted, a vain ready to burst on his forehead.

"Have a seat Keitaro my boy, its story time," Granny Hina said appearing from no where and pushing Kentaro aside. Keitaro nearly jumped out of his skin from the shock.

"Hey! We were in the middle of something here," Haitani protested.

"Yeah, this is the only little part we have," Shirai added.

"Why don't you boys go take a peep at Motoko and Naru in the hot springs," Hina suggested.

"You know, if you would have said that before we found out what was under Naru's skirt I would be aroused," Haitani complained.

"Yeah," Shirai added, "I've eaten five dollar foot longs smaller than her."

"Can we please get on with the story," Keitaro asked, clearly irritated.

"Yes, that would be best, these old bones were very busy when I was called here."

"And this is supposedly a true story," Haitani and Shirai asked, speaking in unison again.

"Yes, but I cannot mention any names. If word got out, the poor boy would be ruined for life."

"I've made love to hamsters for the sake of a sick laugh," Keitaro complained, "I'm ruined for life!"

"Trust me my boy," Hina confirmed, "this fiasco of a story has made your drive much stronger, my walls are still sore."

"AHEM!! Excuse me!?" Shirai screamed, "dude that's sick!! You broke your granny!?"

"STORY!! STORY PLEASE!?" Keitaro was mortified.

"Okay Keitaro, but only because you said please." Granny Hina sat on the stairs and cleared her throat. "Our story begins when a mother took her child to a toy store for his 13th birthday. He had been begging for a certain video game for weeks and his mother finally gave in. As soon as they arrived, the son ran off like he was shot out of a barrel threw isles to get to the electronic and gaming section. As he made his way through the last isle in his way, the teddy bears, pees a lot dolls, and barbies, he tripped over his feet, tumbled, and landed on his back."

"As he laid there on the floor, he saw her. A four foot tall princess piggy plush doll hanging from the ceiling by a spaghetti strand. He laid there staring at her (HER! LAWL!). Her brown plastic eyes, the pink fur all over the body, her snout that stood up on its own that made her look like a smug, stuck up, hard to get bitch. His prom would come early, his first taste of a woman would come early, he had to have her! Super Smash Bros Brawl and Left 4 Dead would stay on the shelf!"

"As soon as he got her home, he rushed princes piggy to his room carrying her bridal style. He flung her on his bed and locked the door. Behind closed doors, he would make her his. He frog splashed on the bed, right onto her, and for the next 40 minutes, they made love. He nearly went insane with pleasure, they did the intersection, the leg glider, the drill, the jockey, the mirror of pleasure, the cowgirl, the cross, the scissors, the turtle, the wheelbarrow, the stand and carry, the bumper cars, the pile driver, the mechanical bull, the flagpole, the running engine, the-"

"Okay okay okay! That's enough," Keitaro interrupted. Haitani passed out from blood lost through the nose.

"And that, Keitaro my boy, is why you must %!# this doll."

Shirai burst into laughter, "that's awesome! Look at it this way, the doll comes with a free big chest upgrade! HAHAHAA!!"

Keitaro poked the doll on its belly. It giggled and said, "hug me." He poked it again, it giggled again and said, "you're so nice, I want you to be my first." Keitaro poked the stomach yet again, it giggled and said, "no baby, that s the wrong spot, you should be poking elsewhere."

"I'm outta here," Keitaro shouted as he ran down the stairs.

"Its better than the other idea right," Hina called down to him, "its either this doll or Bridgette from guilty gear!"

--------------

"Well, its official," Kitsune said hinging up the phone. "Keitaro has left the building, the story cant continue without him."

"What," all the other girls shouted.

"Yeah, apparently he draws the line at talking Muppet Dolls."

"Are you serious," Naru shouted, "that's what made him stop!? A doll!?" Not legions of food, family or animals….a doll. Un-friggin believable."

"Well, I'm leaving," Motoko said abruptly. "I already had camera time so you all can do what you want."

"Oh? Our little kendo girl has plans," Kitsune countered, "going to the men's bathroom at Tokyo U, turning the lights out and playing, 'guess who's in your mouth'?" The other girls gasped.

Haruka turned to Shinobu, Su, and Sara, "ok, you three shouldn't be here for this, lets go." She led them up the stairs and walked them to their rooms.

"WHAT WAS THAT," Motoko shrieked.

"Of course you need real guys for that," Kitsune continued, "statues, sword handles, and doorknobs doesn't count."

Motoko mentally screamed, "I'll kill her," and drew her blade.

"Now now Motoko, all I have to do is jump, dash, slash, block and I'll own whatever you throw my way."

Motoko growled and stormed out the room, "%#!'ing k-style, doesn't take any real talent! Its just a bunch of cheap tactics!"

"Come back when you get a bit more skill," Kitsune called behind her.

---------------

"You can't be serious," Shirai asked.

"It's for the readers! Come on man," Haitani pleaded.

"I read the script," Keitaro said flatly, "you expect me to %#! a doll, then get knocked across town, in the nude by the way, to the train station, where you'll tackle me into a crowded car, where we'll resurrect the scene from Borat by fighting, on the train, in the nude, then spilling out into a crowded outdoor banquet that's across the street from the next stop."

Haitani and Shirai nodded their heads and spoke in unison, "yeah, pretty much."

"You %#!'ing pigs," Keitaro said as he walked off.

Haitani looked at his friend, his eyebrow arched, "you know, if that's what-"

"DUDE! NO! That's sick!! God!"

"But its for the sake of the story. We haven't done anything with pigs, it would be new ground to explore."

"No means no!"

"What if we were in a bed of wasabi mayonnaise and cool wHip," Haitani asked with a grin.

Shirai's eyebrow arched, "cool what?"

"Cool wHip."

"Why are you saying it like that?"

"Like what, I just like mayo and cool wHip man."

"You're saying the H funny. Say cool."

"Ok, weird but whatever, cool"

"Now say whip."

"Whip."

"Now, cool whip."

"Cool wHip."

"Cool whip."

"Cool wHip."

"Cool whip!!"

"Do you want to roll around with pigs or not,"

Shirai hung his head, "lead the way."

---------------

Kentaro the director head and common sense head sat side by side staring at a huge LCD TV set. "I always thought that they were acting this way because of the script," Kentaro started, "but watching like this, I think they're actually a group of perverts."

"Not all of them are like that, think of the children," common sense countered.

Kentaro pressed a button on his remote and a live video feed of the kitchen came on the screen. Shinobu was mixing something in a bowl, Su was hanging upside down on top of the fridge.

"See," common sense asked.

"Wait, what are they saying?"

The volume was turned up and they could hear Shinobu singing softly:

"_It's a piece of cake to bake a pretty cake, if the way is hazy,_

_You gotta do the cooking by the book, you know you cant be lazy._

_Never use a messy recipe, the cake will end of crazy,_

_If you do the cooking by the book, then you'll have a cake_."

"Aww," Kentaro and common sense said a the same time.

Su dropped down from the fridge wearing sunglasses and a dreadlocks wig.

"_Break it down bitch, let me see you back it up!_

_Drop that ass down low then pick that mother%#&#! up_!"

"GAH," both men screamed, the screen turned off with an audible click. Both men took a moment to regain their composure.

"Where are they getting this from," Kentaro screamed.

"Maybe Urashima's behaving," common since offered. Once again the monitor turned on and a live video feed appeared, Keitaro was centered on the screen.

"What's he doing," Kentaro asked.

"He's just walking." The two stared sat and watched Keitaro for a while as he walked, stopping every so often to look at restaurants.

"This is boring," Kentaro complained.

"Exactly, Urashima is the least perverted out of the bunch."

"Do you think the readers will go for 5 pages of Keitaro window shopping!? They wont have it!" Kentaro slammed the big red panic button on the remote.

---------------

Keitaro stopped suddenly and looked over his shoulder, he had the feeling that he was being watched. He turned again and suddenly he was standing in line for board a train for Tokyo U.

"This is weird," he mused, but pressed onward. His train arrived in seconds, he filed on with everyone else and took his usual seat. As soon as the train started moving, two men near the rear started to argue.

"What do you mean he went to the prom with you!?"

"You heard me! He took me and I wore your dress the whole night!"

Keitaro shook his head, the world around him was going insane. A third guy stood and said, "boys, boys, please! Don't fight over me! I know I'm extra delicious but, oh my god this is so embarrassing!"

Keitaro scoffed under his breath. He couldn't escape the insanity, it was all around him.

"Excuse me," the third guy asked, standing in front of Keitaro. He had heavy eye lashes, lipstick, rosy cheeks, and a pick ribbon in his hair. "Did you say something?"

Keitaro started to panic, he shook his head no and started to sweat profusely.

"If you have something to say, say it!"

"No no no," Keitaro nearly pleaded, "I was just thinking of something funny I saw on TV last night."

"Hmph" the guy turned and walked back to the other two that were arguing. Keitaro turned away and released the breath that he did not know he was holding. When he turned back, the guy was back, bent over in front of Keitaro's face to the point of almost touching his toes. He pulled his pants down. Keitaro's eyes bulged as wide as saucers, merely inches from his face was a man thong with 'DELICIOUS' on the string, gyrating in front of him.

The guy smacked his $$ and screamed, "you know you want this!!" Everyone looked Keitaro's way, with the same expression of shock on their faces. To Keitaro's horror, the thong came off, exposing the e smell of sweat and a fresh bowel movement. The guy slapped his $$ again, "you know you want this! it's a delicious cut of prime beef! Taste it!!" Keitaro Naru punched his self off the train, he was never so happy to fly through the air to the other side of town.

"Hahaha," Kentaro couldn't control himself, "that's…knee slapping good humor right there!"

"That was awful," common sense screamed, "you're going to turn the poor guy homophobic!"

"But, aren't we all," Kentaro asked.

"Look! That was too much!! Keitaro's gone through enough!"

"Hey, no one told him to walk out on the script, he did that on his own! Measures have to be taken to guarantee a good show!"

"You cant be serious," Common sense stared at his collage for a moment, "you son of a bitch, you don't care about his well being at all."

"HEY! You didn't complain when we had hamsters! Do you know what happened to Hamtaro after that chapter!? He left that anime, had a sex change, and started calling himself 'Ebichu the house cleaning hamster (if you have never heard of Ebichu you're missing out! Seriously)!"

"You turned a child's program into that!?"

"Hey, I've done worse, do you know what happened to Charlie Brown after I was done with him? He grew hair, gained some weight and changed his name to Eric Cartman!"

"Enough," common sense screamed and punched the 'mercifully go home and end the madness' button.

"Well, there goes the fun out of this day," Kentaro complained. The two just sat there for a moment in an awkward silence. "You know what bad habit I picked up lately," Kentaro asked randomly, "taking my food to the toilet."

"What," common sense asked, completely caught off guard.

"I bring my dinner with me on a little tray while I sit on the toilet."

"Wow…that's disgusting. You're not…wiping and eating a the same time."

Kentaro nodded, "saves time."

"That's gross! What if you miss the toilet paper, or if it unravels half way through?"

"Now that's the tricky part, what I do is wrap the fork in toilet paper, take note of which fingers to not use and-"

"That's enough! You're sicker than they are!"

"Hey, if I wasn't suppose to do that, they wouldn't cal the stuff shitake mushrooms and the poo poo platter."

"That's _pu pu_ not poo poo," common sense said completely disgusted.

"Lets not forget that brown sauce that can smother all most anything"

Common sense stood up, "that's it, I'm done. I'm going on strike with Keitaro."

"Take note of what you put your hands on, a lot of guys makes their platters with an extra side of mushrooms without washing their hands!"

--------------Chapter End!------------

And there you have it! Hope you guys enjoyed a little attempt at madness. Joke references for anyone that's lost:

Scarred

Family Guy

American Dad

Borat

Gunz: The Duel

My on sick little thoughts -.-


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